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Random Thoughts

10 FAQs a Jungle Guide Faces ..

Just as the guests hop into the gypsy,
1. Bhiaya tiger dikhega na?
A suicidal smart ass answer could be “yes sir..pakkaa dikhega“. A politically correct answer ..”sir yeh to kismat ki baat hai.. log ek saath teen teen tiger bhi dikhte hai ek he safari mei

2. Yahan tiger kitne hai?
Now it is the guide’s time to describe the whole jungle… how many square kilometres, what the last census says…bla bla bla. A disappointing answer … “is zone me toh abhi 2 hi tiger hai… pichle season sighting atchi thi…

3. Apne kabhi tiger dekha hai?
This may make the guide want to punch his guest in the face.
But the answer will also tell you what a master story teller the guide is, if he starts with a story of a tiger sighting which was probably experienced by some other guides.

4. Last sighting kab hua tha?
Now they are desperate to figure out their chance of seeing a tiger. A dull answer ….”kal he dikha tha.. ek gadi ko“… Or to add some masala, “aree kaal he dikha tha saaar..kya jabardast sighting thi… tiger ko do ghante chalaya humne.. tiger age age…

5. “kabhi tiger attack karta hai?”, a female voice from behind…
This is the guide’s chance to scare the shit out of the guests. “arre saaar ek bar kya hua …..“. if nothing else at least nobody in the gypsy will ever ask for an emergency pit stop just because they had too much Pepsi.

Now time to face some really hard hitting questions. It is been more than an hour and finally some pugmarks…..
6. bhaiya yeh pugmark asli hai?
The guide may want to answer,”haaan bhai. *** .kal ratko ake chape the“…but holding back his irritation, he may still explain whether it is a male tiger or female and then say, “ye toh kal rat ke hai

Guide’s bad luck continues and a gypsy with smiling faces crosses,
7. Uss gadi ko dikha kya ?
He really wants to say that f word to the guest in the other gypsy but he may still say, “sir…tension na lo…humko bhi dikh jayega

The junior too becomes impatient and throws an even harder question…
8. Uncle, uncle tiger kahan hai?
The guide looks at his watch and signals the driver to head for the exit route, but still answers, “actually abhi kya hai na… jungle kafi dense hai.. aap na garmio me aao…sighiting kafi atchi hoti hai

By now they would surely doubt the skill of the guide and if the following question comes in it is 100% sure.
9. Bhaiya aap jungle kab se aa rahe ho ?
For sure the guide is fuming but keeps quite.

And finally, while approaching the gate,
10. Yahan tiger dikhta bhi hai ?
Now it’s time for pay back… “Sir sighting toh roj ho rahi hai…lagta hai aap ki he kismat kharab hai…kuch bhi nahi dikha aaj. Nai toh aisa nahi hota” 😛

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